Rid Jokes

[clubs]

Rid the Bartender

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When Rid arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his face.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
Actually, no". Rid replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she says, running her hands beyond his face and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't. breathes Rid. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message." she continues, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" Rid manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

[CaptainTreo]

Lesson learned... you never know where those fingers have been..

[riddick]

[clubs]

Rid walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his underpants.

"Is that painful?" the barman asks.

"It's driving me nuts!" Rid replies.

[clubs]

Rid's first and last skydive for charity.

[clubs]

Rid The Farmhand.

A wealthy farmer in England suddenly dies and leaves his farm to his beautiful wife, asking her to keep the farm going for him. After a few weeks she realizes she knows nothing about farming and decides to hire a helper.

She hires Rid to help her run the farm and after a few months everything is going great and she really works well with Rid. One Saturday she tells Rid to go into the pub that evening and enjoy himself for his fine work.

Rid goes to the pub and at midnight still hasn’t made it back. Finally, at 2 am Rid makes it back to the farmhouse and finds the beautiful widow sitting in front of the fire sipping wine. She gestures Rid closer and warmly asks Rid to remove her shoes. Smiling happily, Rid removes her shoes.

Next, she asks Rid to remove her blouse, and now Rid quickly complies. She then asks Rid to remove her skirt…then bra…then panties. Each time Rid promptly and happily follows her request.

Finally, the beautiful widow moves closer to Rid and says “ Now if I ever catch you wearing my clothes to the pub again there will be hell to pay.”

[CaptainTreo]

Joke...or true life.. kind of explains where he was for the weeks he was missing doesn't it

[clubs]

Rid walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $5.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, Rid walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers Rid, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes" she purrs "I am."

Rid replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

[CaptainTreo]

[riddick]